Angst

This blog causes me angst in so many ways. I feel badly when it's like a boring diary: "Today I bought groceries ..." I fear it's become self-indulgent claptrap. I mean it takes a lot of chutzpah to think you have something interesting to say every day. I know I don't. So I feel guilty keeping this going when it becomes a catalog of the daily grind at Queen's, or other quotidian items.

Even when I have something interesting to say--an insight gained from living abroad--I often feel I say things in a way that is offputting. For instance, yesterday I noted the lack of NO TRESPASSING signs here. I'm essentially making a judgement that Ireland is a less territorial place than America, and therefore more pleasant. So there are lots of digs at America in my blog and I would think that would be very irritating if you live in America. My goal isn't to irritate Americans but to observe all the differences and why those differences are important to me. They don't matter to everyone, but they matter to me and they explain why I made such a huge change in my life.

I started the blog for three reasons:

1. To have a reason to write. I enjoy writing and I thought this would be a good way to keep my writing fluid and coherent (I don't think I have always met that goal...).
2. To indulge my love affair with Ireland. I love it here and have wanted to come back since I was 18 and left for university in the states. It is a sort of homage.
3. To share photos from our travels around Ireland and elsewhere.
4. To share the ex-pat experience. A lot of friends requested I write a blog to keep track of my experiences adjusting to my new home, and so it seemed like a natural thing to do.

In mid-March, I'll have done this for a year. That might be a good time to quit. Ghost tells me I get 600-700 hits per month. One of the unexpected benefits of having the blog is feeling a little less disconnected from friends. I don't know who is reading it or why, but it makes me feel a little less alone. I haven't made much headway in developing friends here--nor do I expect to until I'm in the house and have Queen's in my rearview mirror. So the blog is a virtual way of feeling I'm still part of a circle of friends. I hope readers get something positive out of it and I will endeavor to keep it interesting.
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