B&B&Me

When I first moved here, I thought about running a B&B in lieu of getting a real job. My performance in front of Rob and Beth, we'll call them R&B, has shown the folly of that idea. As my marriage has progressed, I have done less and less cooking. Since I moved to Ulster, I've done no cooking. Maybe boiling potatoes occasionally. Yesterday, I served tortellini with tomato sauce and a salad. I got very flustered by the timing/sequence/heat&prep requirements of these elements and served the meal without things like silverware or napkins. I realised I couldn't make coffee while chopping vegetables, boiling pasta, straining pasta, and heating sauce (what do I look like, an octopus?). So R&B made their own coffee and, when they asked, I provided sugar (in a box) and milk (in a plastic bottle). There are just too many things to think of.

None of this would phase David in the least. His dad was a cook on a merchant ship and David inherited his ability to do many things simultaneously and get everything on the table at once. Lucky for me, R&B are the parents of three young children and their pampering expectations are pretty low. This morning, I served bagels and (badly) scrambled eggs--not moist and creamy like David's but dry and crumbly. When they asked for salt and pepper, I realised I don't have S&P shakers. Don't tell my mother, but I put a pepper grinder on the table and a plastic bag of salt with a spoon in it. I felt ridiculous, but I couldn't think of a quick way to do something presentable. I also dropped one of the bagels on the floor and repeatedly opened the fridge looking for plates. That saying: "I only have a kitchen because it came with the house": Written for me.

Except I would have written: "I have a kitchen only because it came with the house." Misplaced modifiers are one of my pet peeves.

R&B spent the afternoon touring Belfast on the hop-on, hop-off bus, which has 20 stops around the city. They had dinner at Ox,
one of the restaurants giving Belfast cuisine a very good name. If you like food porn, scroll through their gallery. It's the kind of food I'd be intimidated to eat. And will never, ever attempt to make. You're welcome.
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