Anxiety

When I was a wee lass, my mom was always packing me off somewhere--summer camp, kindergarten, catechism, parties for kids I didn’t know. I responded by clinging to her or my sister--just horrified at the prospect of being left with strangers. As David took me downtown to meet my ride to Rathlin, I felt that familiar anxiety. I was spending two days with nine people, most of whom I didn’t know. I need my alone time, which you don’t have when you travel, sleep, and eat in a group. So it takes a force of will to get me into these situations.

Of course I enjoyed the weekend a great deal. There were a few dramas (the guy who stayed out all night and was drunk at 7 a.m., the woman in the wrong type of shoes who fell and needed to be collected during the hike, the drunken arguments over Brexit, the cursed ferry). But all in all, it was a good trip.

So I came back thinking I really should go on the trip leaving in four days for Westport and Connemara. It really is fun to get out and see new things--especially if I can get a lift. I lined up places to stay--a woman on the Rathlin trip offered me her sister’s reservation and a ride southbound after her sister canceled. Another Rathlin hiker offered a northbound ride.

But my anxiety caught up with me. This would be five days, four nights. Lots of meals in pubs, lots of time in cars, lots of conversation, much of it tedious. I’m really not a misanthrope, but I’m an introvert who is tired out by too much socialising. I could have overcome all of this, but I also have quarterly performance writing assignments due the first and last day of the Connemara trip. Add to that an assignment I got today--a writing test for a job opening. And a freelance assignment due at the end of the month. To complicate matters, David leaves halfway through my trip for his own adventure and I would have to find a kennel for the dog and figure out how to pick her up without a car.

One voice in my head says: Go for it! Get out there and meet people and make friends and have a life of adventure! Another voice says: Best to stay home and do your best on your assignments and make sure Her Highness is well looked after. So I celebrated Independence Day not by being terribly independent. However, the seed has been planted and when I’m through my deadlines, I’ll be off somewhere for an adventure.
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