The passage of time

Friday, Saturday, and Sunday mostly involved me sleeping or moping about. I canceled golf on Friday and I didn’t go to Derry on Saturday for an environmental rally. The nice thing about being sick is I take all pressure off myself to be productive. On a normal day, I fret about all that needs doing and how “behind” I feel. How I’ve accomplished only five of the 10 things I set out to do. Of course it is all a construct. If I got a Monday-Friday job next month, I wouldn’t have this mile long list of things to do. I mean, they would still need doing. But my expectation as to when that might happen would change.

It is a very strange thing how we manage time. I don’t like this idea of my sense of self-worth or satisfaction being tied to productivity. But I know it is quite common. I know of people who, once they have gotten older and can’t keep up their busy calendar, feel they are of no value. I think that is so sad--that people can’t see the value they bring by being their own unique selves. I don’t want to be that way. So I try to find ways to give myself mental gold stars that don’t involve ticking things off the to do list.

David’s sister Susan is here this weekend. They walked for miles on the coastal path on Saturday and visited the RUA exhibit and Mount Stewart on Sunday. I am cheering them on from the sofa, giving myself a gold star for being a person who appreciates the very good writing in the Irish Times. I should write them a letter saying as much. I guess I could add that to the to-do list.
10-19 to 10-21